


fearless

by WhiteOrchids_N



Category: Shefani
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-03-24 03:00:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13801974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhiteOrchids_N/pseuds/WhiteOrchids_N
Summary: This is a fanfic I wrote years ago and I just found back on my laptop.This is for everyone who kept on asking me whether I was really never gonna write again haha lol.Oh yeah, this is season nine blind auditions.





	1. Chapter 1

I remember how my heart seemed to stop beating all at once, and I’m pretty sure the men beside me are feeling the exact same thing. Yet I don’t dare to trace my eyes away from the contestant. For now, I keep on pretending everything’s fine and so I force a smile on my lips. When two seconds in complete silence passes, I swallow and carefully move my eyes to watch Adam on my right side. He as well has his eyes thrown down, looking at his notes, clearly not knowing how to save this either.

 _“I’m such a huge fan of you and oh my God, your wife is my hero”,_ the contestant her words keeps on ringing through my mind.

“Well uh”, Blake starts then with a soft, sweet chuckle, yet if you know him you can tell it was an uncomfortable one as well. “That’s very nice to hear”,

I turn my head and notice the forced dimples on his cheeks. At this point, my heart’s racing, feeling absolutely bad for Blake, but yet even more when my eye falls on my wedding ring as well. I can’t believe we have to still wear those for these damn tapings.

“I’m really happy I turned for you actually”, Suddenly these words run out of my mouth, completely unsure of where I was going with this, all I know is that I have to draw the attention away from Blake. “Look, I know I’m not Blake Shelton, because that would be weird”, I say while squinting my eyes amused, to which I succeed to make the crowd laugh, along with the adorable nineteen year old on stage.

“But I do know a lot about music. I’ve travelled the world with thousands of albums. And you know what? Each album was a different genres, did you know that?”, the girl shakes her head shyly, to which I smile.

“And each album was aweeeesome”, Adam adds which causes my grin to grow even brighter. “That’s absolutely fine, you barely can know that because I started making music way before you were born. But let me tell you this, I’ve done so many different styles of music, I’ve gone from ska, to reggae, to pop.  But you know which genre I haven’t done? That’s country… And I wanna change that, with you.  I believe in you and I want you on my team.”,

“Wow”, I hear the country singer from two chairs away. I shoot him a glance and I notice how his smile is back to being more pure.

Blake shares a few more words, but the weird atmosphere from earlier must’ve stuck as to my big surprise the girl actually ends up picking me. I jump off my chair, throw my arms in the air while running to the girl.

“You’re not gonna regret this”, I say while pulling her in my arms. But at the same time, I’m even more happy that she picked me, so she didn’t pick Blake. I know that no matter how professional he is, he’ll always be reminded by her words on this audition when he has to work with this girl. And he deserves better.

As soon as the girl disappears in the backstage, all three our heads snap Blake’s way, just in time to see him make signals to the crew, wanting a break.

Blake had already disappeared before the camera lights were even off. In the meantime Adam runs a hand through his hair while his eyes are locked with mine.

“I’ll go”, I mouth to which he nods gratefully, knowing Behati is waiting in his trailer.

I wave and throw a few kisses at the crowd before going backstage as well.

Within my high heels, I try to walk as fast as possible. I throw a couple glances around me, hoping to find him anywhere but his trailer. But no such luck. I know very well that Blake has been hiding away in his trailer. On season seven, he barely ever spent time there. It’s obvious how he likes it better to be around people from the crew instead of being rather alone in his trailer. But this season has been different.

Carefully I lower my fist and knock on his trailer door. No answer, to which I knock again.

“Blake, if you won’t open this, I will just come in. I don’t care about you wanting me or not”,

I keep silent for a few more seconds, until I hear some movement inside. A couple of footsteps and then the door opens just a few inches. From the peak in the door, I could tell he has just opened the door quickly to go back to his couch.

I push the door further open and carefully step inside. His elbows are buried on his legs, as he hid his face behind his hands.

I’ve seen this view before, quite a lot to be honest. In the last few weeks we’ve grown so close and shared so much. Yet it still hurts just as much as the first time to see him like this.

Silently I lean my butt against his table, as I keep a distance for a few seconds, thinking how to handle this the best way possible.

After a few seconds, I walk up to his sink and fill him a cup of water. As soon as I set down beside him on the couch, I heard him let out a sigh. Yet he keeps his face hidden, to which the corner of my lips drop even more.

“Here”, I try by handing him a glass of water. His hands lower and his head turns to soon take the glass out of my hands.

“Thanks”,

I can see his face by now, yet he keeps on staring in front him.

“So that sucked hah?”, I say, while playfully pushing my shoulder against his, which causes him to let out a short chortle.

“Yeah”, he answers still slightly amused, but his face fell pretty soon after.

“You’re not gonna look at me?”,

His eyes close before he opens them again. It’s then that his body slightly shifts so his eyes could meet mine. When they do, I feel relieved to not find any tears in there. That’s progress I guess.

“Happy now?”,

“It’s better, that’s for sure”,

He smiles shortly, while taking a sip of the water now.

“Remember what I told you about talking to me? That you don’t have to be ashamed about anything?”,

“Yeah I remember”, he whispers softly, to which I throw my arm around his shoulder and pull him closer to me.

“My fans will hate me”, he says then to which I frown. “They love me because they love me on Ran’s side. But once we announce the divorce, they’ll hate it”,

“Yeah”, I answer as if it is the most normal thing, to which it’s his time to frown. I chuckle at his surprised expression. “They will hate IT. Not you, Blake. Sure they’ll write about it, fans will be sad, but fans will recover. You’re king of country, dude”,

He chuckles while throwing his eyes down while shaking his head. The smile lingers for a few more seconds, but yet he doesn’t bring his head back up.

So I have no other option but to bring my hand to his chin and tilt his eyes to meet mine again.

“I’m serious. It will work out”,

And before I could even register his next expression, he leans in and all at once his lips land on mine. At first I’m not really aware of what happened, as my hand falls against his scruff.

I remember melting into him and brushing my lips right back at his because it feels so normal. But suddenly I snapped out of it, move my hand to his shoulder and push him away.

“What are you doing?”,

“Oh my God”, he mumbles, seeming even slightly surprised by himself, as he covers his eyes with his hand again. “Oh no Blake”, he moves his fingers over his forehead while letting out a deep breath. Ten seconds. That’s how long that passes when both of us just sit there.

“Blake?”, I try softly. Yet he stays put, not even moving an inch. I carefully let my hand fall down on , pulling his hands away from his face. With my other one, I cup his cheek to turn him to face me.

As soon as his eyes find mine, he starts rambling, to which I chuckle. How can he be this adorable without even realising it? “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have. Like what am I thinking? You’re Gwen Stefani, I don’t even know where I found the courage to even—“

And before he can finish that, I brush my lips right back at his. I could feel how he’s totally caught by surprise because of it, but I couldn’t care less. Instead I plant my lips on his even harder,

I softly traced my fingers over his scruff, letting them disappear into his curls. It’s only when my hand is on the back of his head, that I feel him kiss me back. His fingertips gently rest on my jaw lines. And right in that moment,  I completely forget where I am. All I can think about is how soft his hair is, how perfect his lips are and how damn right this all feels… Not to forget about how fast my heart keeps on beating inside my chest.

This is not like me, I’m not the girl that takes initiative. I’m the girl that boys have to chase if they want me. And if they do, I’ll eventually give in. But for me to actually be the one to lean in first and kiss someone not knowing what the response will be, is scary. But not with him. For some weird reason he just made me feel so fearless and safe.

But the second that our lips part again, I do feel my nerves kick back in. A soft giggle escapes, while moving my hand back to his cheeks.

Shyly my nose rest against his for a while, before I pull away a few inches to find his blue eyes on mine.

“I’ve never kissed anyone with blue eyes before you”,

And with that, he burst out in a chuckle while gazing down shyly to eventually look back up.

“What did I tell you? Never be shy about anything with me. It’s just me.”,

Gently I caress my fingertips over his stubble. “I just,--  it’s not really fair to kiss me when you’re sad”,

“I know”, he immediately answers with regret in his eyes, to which I nod. “Then why did you kiss me again?”

Our eye stay locked upon one another and all I feel is the electricity in the room. But yet I was able to just casually shrug the question away with a smirk. Instead of answering him, I move my thumb to his lips to wipe away some of my lipstick.

“You should take care of that before getting back on stage”, I stand back up from my seat while shooting him one last smile, along with a wink. The look Blake gives me, made me chuckle. He seems confused, but at the same time, the smile on his face has returned.

When I eventually take the first steps to his door, I can still feel his eyes burn on me. So when my hand was on the door handle, I stay put and glance over my shoulder. And I had been right, his eyes are still on me.

“You know, if you’d ever think about kissing me again, it better be on a good timing”,

I slightly tilt my head to let my hair fall from over my shoulder. I can tell he’s feeling shy again, which is adorable somehow. Yet his eyes never leave mine. Instead he nods as he nervously plays with his hands.

“Ok. Good to know”, he answers, ending it by sucking on his bottom lip.

And just like that, I pull the handle down and I’m out of the trailer. When the door closes behind me, it feels like I can finally breathe again.

I let out a long breath that I didn’t even know I had been holding. It’s only now I realise what has happened and how fast my heart is beating. I softly let my fingers fall down upon my lips.Is that really Blake’s effect on me? Wow, who know?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been forever again.  
> Well, I do hope everyone likes this chapter as much as everyone liked the first one. 
> 
> Kisses, Noor

When my eyes open, I instantly find the toddler staring at me, sabbling on his pacifier. I can tell the second he realises that I’m no longer asleep, as instantly his smile grew so wide that even the pacifier fell down. And man isn’t it good to start your day off by hearing this little man’s giggles?

“Hi there”,

“Mommy”, He crawls up to my arms and let his body collide with my stomach, making me wince shortly. But not much later I cuddle up to him as well, caressing my fingers through his soft curling hairs. You know who else has soft curly hair? Yeah you guess it right.

Yesterday had been a very odd and confusing day. After having spent millions of hours with the cowboy over the past weeks, we actually shared a kiss now. If I’m thinking back on it, it just doesn’t make the slightest sense. He’s so different from the men I used to like or even have a crush on. No by far, like Blake’s complete out of my comfort zone even. He’s this big country guy, wearing simple flannel shirts before the designers on the voice transform him. And what makes it even more unlikely that I’d actually like Blake, is that he is actually a good guy.

I let out a sarcastic chuckle when the previous thought came to mind. My two year old tilt his head to see what’s funny. Yet even though he has no clue what my chuckle was about, he clearly wants to share the joy by letting out an adorable giggle. After stroking my finger over his soft cheek, the toddler closes his eyes again, which let me back to the one person my mind has been occupied lately.

But Blake is a good guy, a great one even. He’s so unconditionally sweet and he genuinely cares about every person he talks to. And sure that’s charming, like it’s nice to know someone cares. But usually, that’s not my type. I’m into bad boys, who unfortunately stay bad boys and break my heart. And that’s nothing like Blake.

Besides, why am I even thinking about this right now? Both of us just went through ugly divorces, so it’s just logical that we click about that right? He just always knows what to say and how I feel. And that’s why it’s so amazing to talk to him, that’s it. And the kiss? It only happened because he was sad, right? Like all I’ve done lately is whine on about my lying ex-husband and cry about how I feel unworthy, how could he possibly be attracted to me because of that?

It doesn’t make sense. Nothing’s going on between us.

My alarm clock started ringing, bringing me back to the real world. My baby yawns while stretching out, which causes a smile to appear on my lips

“Time to get ready, sleepy head”,

 

 

 

By the time I arrive on the voice set again, after dropping off the kids at school, I had been totally convinced that what happened yesterday would stay in yesterday. For me it’s quite simple: it just does not make sense.  
So with those thoughts behind me, I step out of the car and walk into the building. Without me even wanting to, the first thing my eyes fall on, is no one less than Blake Shelton. Which is logical, right? Because he’s such a big guy, it’s hard not to see him, am I rig--

But my thoughts get interrupted by Blake’s eyes landing on mine, as he was talking to someone of the crew. Those crystal blue eyes. And if I’m not wrong, the second our eyes lock, a tiny smile came to his features. And just like that, everything changes again.

My breath stokes in my throat as I suddenly remember the exact way it felt to have his lips on mine, how soft his hair had been, how gently he had rested his fingertips on my jaws.

It’s just a switch, one look and I completely forget why things do not make sense.  
As soon as I realise that my eyes are still on his, I quickly shoot him a smile before trying to hide away in my trailer. No such luck though.

“Hey Gwen”, I hear his accent from behind me, which makes me halt. I close my eyes and scrunche my nose up. Dammit.

“Hey”, I turn to face him then, while wiping a strand of hair behind my ear.

“How was movie night?”,

My smile probably shouldn’t be as big as it is just because he remembered something that small, but I can’t help it.

“It was so much fun, yeah, thanks for asking”, 

“Sure”, He has his hands in his back pocket as he silently stumbles on his feet a little. “The sound of music again, or?”

I throw my head back laughing while shaking my head amused. “Sadly enough, no. We watched Despicable me for the hundredth time”,

“I have to admit that I have never seen that movie actually”, Guilty as charged, he’s pressings his lips on one another, making me chuckle.

“It’s actually really good”,

“I believe you”,

“You better”, I playfully add, to which he shoots me his dimples, and oh God, why does he even have to have those? Like he wasn’t charming enough already. But yet a frown comes to my face as well by seeing him scratch his fingers over his scrub a couple of times.

"Why you so nervous?", I ask, and move my hand towards his bicep to give it an encouraging squeeze.

Instantly he throws his eyes down as he chuckles tensely. By his sudden uncomfortable behaviour, I immediately let my hand glide down from his arm as I can’t help but let a saddened expression fall over me. Along with my eyes tracing away towards my shoes.

"No", he says, as I feel his hand softly touches mine. With a startled gaze, I travel my eyes up to find his piercing blues back on mine. Carefully his fingers move its way toward mine to take my hand in his. This instantly glues my eyes down to stare at our linked hands.

I felt him give me a soft squeeze, wanting to get my attention back. And as soon as my eyes lock with his, I can no longer take them off of him. Ten seconds must’ve passed, if it wasn’t even more than that. But I can’t help it, I just keep on discovering different layers of emotions in his eyes. But what catches my attention the most is the soft sparkle and the pure apology I can see in his eyes, which makes me wonder what it was he’s sorry for. Does he not like me? Does he think the kiss was a mistake?

Just when Blake parts his lips, I hear Danilo’s voice which instantly makes me pull my hand out of the cowboy’s one.

"Gwen, you coming?", By the tone of it, it's probably really necessary to start the entire makeup and hair do process, and for one of the first times ever, I didn’t want all of that now. I just want to continue this conversation with Blake.

Nevertheless I shoot Danilo a glance over my shoulder, along with the biggest smile I'm able to conquer on my lips. I nod then and hum. "I'll be there in a second, I promise"

My friend returns the nod, and doesn’t disappear before he shoots me one more curious look.

When I turn back to face Blake, I see him wobble on his feet once again. It’s almost funny.

"You do make me nervous"

I frown to that. "why is that?",

Blake shakes his head unknowingly before shrugging.

"Have you always been nervous around me?", I'm honestly confused, even more when he shakes his head a second time.

"Well I was the first times I met you, but on season seven I really enjoyed spending time with you",

"Then what changed?", it is me who's nervous now, and I can tell he’s aware of that, as he gives me a comforting smile.

"Nothing, I still like spending time with you, Gwen. It's just - -", he pauses to frown deeply before letting out a deep breath. "I honestly don't know why I'm suddenly nervous, and I can't turn it off... I wish I could, I'm sorry"

"it's fine", I answer almost the same second. And for a few seconds I doubt whether I should ask the question I’m about to ask. But I can’t stop myself anyways. "But is that really all you’re sorry for? Or is there something else?”

The poor man must not have seen my question coming as he frowns and tilts his head completely lost. So I decided to just smile while shaking my head. At the same time I just roll my eyes as if it’s nothing.

"Never mind, I have to go",

"No, wait, what are you talking about?", he quickly grasps for my arm when I had turned around already.

"It's nothing, ok? Forget about it", I throw him a simple smile before rapidly making my way over to Danilo, suddenly afraid of what the answer to my question might be.

 

  
It’s not hard for me to notice Danilo’s glaring eyes in the mirror from time to time. Mostly when I’m on my phone and he thinks I’m not looking. At first I had been convinced I was making it up in my head, you know? But as the time went on, the more I realised he was actually giving me those glances.

It’s only when I forcefully move my head up out of nowhere to catch his eyes, that he gives me a shy smile.

“Is something wrong?”, I ask him, which makes him chuckle. He just shrugs while sucking on his bottom lip.

“Why don’t you tell me?”,

“What should I tell you?”

Once more he shrugs while still sucking on his bottom lip mysteriously. When Gregory stops giving the two of us curious looks to turn around to get some nude lipstick, I see Danilo wobble his eyebrows up a couple of times.

At first I frown, while eventually shaking my head amused. Sure everyone on the voice set must have noticed that Blake and I get along pretty well lately, but holding hands might’ve been a whole other level.

And no matter how much I want to fill Danilo in, I barely even know myself what’s going on between us. Maybe it’s nothing, right? Like Blake is this country star who wouldn’t like some Hollywood girl like me. I remember how he always said how much he hated people in LA. And as tough as it is to admit it, I’m just one of those.

And for some reason that makes me sadder than it should by just thinking about it.

 

 

 

 

What feels like hours later, I’m finally dolled up and in my red dress. I’m making my way over towards the red chairs, while quickly answering a few more e-mails.

“I don’t regret anything else”,

I slow down my walk as I lower my phone a little bit.

“Well, that’s a lie, I am. Um. I am sorry about choosing horrible moments to do certain things”,

I spin around then to find Blake wearing his black button up along with a black, kinda jeans like jacket on top.

“Like kiss me?”, I raise a brow, to which his dimples softly pop, even though he’s clearly trying to hide his smile. Instead of answering, he just hums. What he does do is close to distance between us with a laid-back walk.  
When he finally is right in front of me, I can feel the back of his hand brush against mine.

“I’m not sorry about kissing you. Not even a little bit”, I can tell by the look in his eyes how serious he is about the words he’s saying. And even though it slightly scared me, I also couldn’t help but look down, to hide the blush on my cheeks. I bite my lip, not really knowing what to say, when our eyes find one another again.

“Ok”, I say then right before I hear Carson’s voice blast through the speakers. I give Blake one last mysterious smile before turning away from him and walking up to the red chairs. Because of course I didn’t want to hear the opposite coming from him, but hearing him speak so honestly did make my heart race. And not only because I felt the same way about the kiss, but also because this is so very frightening.

And I can hear his footsteps right behind me. And if I wouldn’t know better, I would even say I could hear his confused thoughts screaming.

 

  
The blinds went pretty good and the bickering between Blake and Adam will never get old. But no matter how hard I had tried to only focus on the contestants and the show, I did notice Blake’s concerned looks now and then. I did leave him with just an ‘ok’ after all. I giggle at that. That might have been a bit mean. Like wow, if the roles would’ve been in the opposite way, my confusion would’ve eaten me alive.

So as soon as the first break kicks in, I get out my chair and walk up to his one. He was just busy replying to some text, which causes him to not see me coming. It’s only when I lower my elbow down on top of his notes that he realised I’m not Adam, who’d be waiting for a casual chat. My presence startled him for a couple seconds, I can tell.  
A chuckle rolls off my lips while his big eyes were on mine

“Stop staring at me”,

He frowns. “You’re right in my view”

“I’m not talking about right now, Blakey”, I roll my eyes amused, while leaning a little further away. And he does it again. A smirk comes to his perfectly soft lips, making those dimples appear. And how can it be that the way his eyes shut a little more when he smiles makes me feel so many things?

“It would be a shame not to stare, you’re too pretty. I can’t help it, it’s out of my hands.”,

My smile widens and at the same time I shake my head.

“I bet you tell that to all the women”, I tease back to which he frowns, still with the smile on his lips though.

“Then how come I only stare at you?”,

And for some reason the teasing suddenly no longer felt like teasing. The way his eyes look my way, overwhelmed me, because why would he? Why would a man like him say those words to me and even more, why does it seems like he means them?

“Well because I’m the only female coach”, I add with a shy smile, trying to get my grip back. In the meantime I’m praying that I’m not blushing like a fool in front of all these people.

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m sure that’s the reason”, He answers sarcastic, which makes me giggle while tracing my eyes away from his. It’s too much.

 

  
“Hey you”, I say confused while taking the last steps out of my trailer. Blake is sitting on the couches all by himself, which is logical because I’m always the one staying here the longest to get rid of all the makeup and hairdo. Adam and Pharrell must be long gone by now.

“Hi”, He smiles brightly as he puts away his phone.

“You’re still here”,

“I am”,

I walk closer to sit down at the arm of the couch beside the one Blake was sitting on. “How come?”

“Well why go to my rental house so fast when the house doesn’t feel like home?”,

I shoot him a pitiful smile while scrunching my nose. “I’m sorry”,

“It’s alright”, He smiles softly.

“Do you miss Oklahoma?”,

He shrugs as if he thinks for a few moments, as he scowled while eventually nodding hesitantly. “I always miss Oklahoma, but it’s also hard to make the house if got there my home, you know?”

For a couple of seconds, I realise I must’ve had a puzzled look in my eyes while I softly glared. But soon enough I understand completely what he meant.

“Home isn’t a place”, I say then when the realisation falls.

He grimaces with his brows thrown up as he nods in agreement. “Exactly”, he says while gazing away from me.

I can imagine what he means by it, but I’ll never know exactly what that would be like. Because yes of course Gavin used to be a part of my home, but I still have three boys running around every other week.

“Do you miss her?”,

A sigh leaves his lips before he travels his blue eyes at me, when he brings a hand through his wavy hair. And for a split second I feel bad for asking him that question.

“That’s a tough one”, he admits with a tiny, uncertain smile.

In the meantime he moves his arm to lay behind his head, as he closes his eyes. I give him some time to think.

When he stays quite for an awful long time, I lean over from the arm of the couch I was sitting on. That way I can stretch my arm out just far enough to let my hand fall upon his knee.

“You don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to”,

And as soon as his eyes open, he shrugs. “I want to, it’s just difficult to explain”,  
I hum and nod. “Okay”, I carefully move my thumb over his jeans and I notice how when he looks at my hand the corner of his lips turn slightly up.

“I miss having a person to share everything with, the good and the bad, but it’s not really her as a person I miss”, he pauses by sucking on his bottom lip. “It’s just pretty lonely sometimes, and I just miss having someone to come home to”, he says then with a casual shrug, as if he was trying to hide the fact that he’s being vulnerable. He shouldn’t though, that’s what really makes him so attractive. But at the same time I quietly feel myself pull away.

“I see”, and suddenly my brain started in overdrive. Is that the reason he kissed me? Because he felt lonely?

“And that wasn’t the only reason I’m still here. I figured you were still in your trailer, and I thought that it be nicer to head out together”

I smile at his smooth change of subject, and I nod, even though I didn’t get the thoughts to stop running. “That’s way nicer. Thank you for staying”,

“Sure”, he answers with a frown on his forehead. “What’s wrong?”

I shake my head rapidly while shaking it away with my hand. “Nothing”,

“Gwen”, it’s his time to move on the couch to sit at the edge now, trying to gain my attention. “Talk to me”,

I close my eyes while taking a deep breath in. I considered spilling all my thoughts out, but I couldn’t. And I will not. Blake was being vulnerable and I can’t just turn this into something about me.

“I’m just tired, that’s all. I’ll drop you off at your place, good?”

He nods then while standing up reaching his hand out to pull me up. When we’re standing right in front of each other, he suddenly pulls his arms around me. Just by the touch of his hands, my entire body feels on fire

I smile sadly while placing my hands on his back, feeling his soft flannel on my fingertips, and I return the hug. As I do so, he hugs me even tighter. And to be quite honest? I don’t want to let go.

“Thank you for listening”, he mumbles in my hair.

“Yeah always”, I whisper within his shirt as I try to swallow my thoughts away. I clung onto him for a good few seconds, realising this might be the last time I'd hug him like this. 

”, 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to leave me a comment about what you thought, it might encourage me to update a bit faster haha! 
> 
> Loves


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi. 
> 
> I know this has been so long. But I kept getting emails from ao3 telling me yall kept giving kudos and comments on this story. So I figured maybe you wanted me to finish it?
> 
> Hope you remember this one. 
> 
> Hugs, Noor

I'm being distant. I'm much aware of that. But for some reason I can't get it out of my head, every time I look at him, his words about how lonely he gets keep on blasting through my mind.  
Sure I get it, I get lonely too, but not in the way he described it. I have my kids, and even when they are with their dad, I still have them in my heart. But he's all alone in this.

I shoot him a glance through my mirror, and instantly his eyes are on mine. In the meantime Danilo's putting my hair back up, as Blake is sitting down on the couch of my trailer. I draw a tiny smile on my lips, which he returns the very same second, but I can tell he knows I'm all in my head. Yet I'm pretty sure that the reason why is a mystery to him.

"You two are awfully quite", Danilo interrupts with a uncomfortable huf, probably feeling as if he's not supposed to be here. But thank God he is because I'm not ready to be alone with Blake yet. I wouldn't know what to say, because I'm sure he'll ask me what's wrong. And I can't lie to him.

"Yeah well I'm admiring your work",

That makes Danilo smile brightly, because he loves compliments even though he'd never admit it. So to hide that, he at the same time rolls his eyes.

"Danilo is a real pro. I for real lost the count of years he has been my hairstyler. As soon as I met him, I knew I never wanted anyone else", I fill in, with my eyes moving from the two men behind me. And it truly wasn't just to flatter Danilo, it's just the simple truth.

"aw stop it!", Danilo says while playfully hitting my shoulder, which fills my ears with Blake's gorgeous laughter.

Because for real, his laughter is just the greatest thing ever. From day one I knew that whenever he'd laugh, I'd join in as well. It's so contagious and to be really honest? It's even more attractive.

When the laugh has faded, all that's left are his dimples on full display. And even though his smile is still pretty huge, I see the concern in his eyes. Of course he notices the sudden distance as well.

I don't want it to be like this, I care about him too much. But that's at the same time the exact problem. Everything with 'too' in front of it, isn't good news. It's quite bad to be honest. Especially because I'm starting to realise how come he does seem to like a California girl like me. You wanna know how come? Because I'm a good distraction. But that's all. He basically admitted that, without even being aware that he did.

When he told me he felt lonely most of the time, it hit me that he must send me texts or ask me to hang out whenever he feels like that. Just like he decided to kiss me when he felt bad, when he felt lonely. It's not something serious or real. They have a name for that you know...

Rebound.

And I can't do such a thing. I have kids, I have responsablities and I have no such control over my feelings. I would never be a girl that would be doing one night stands and be good at it. Never. I wouldn't even want to.

Before I can even notice, Danilo's done and out of the trailer, not before placing a kiss on my cheek though, which had brought me back to earth.

"You looking forward to today?", he asks with that county twang which made me look down with a miserable smile. It's when I don't answer the first seconds, that he pulls my desk chair towards him and turns me to face him right after.

"What's on your mind?", he asks the second our eyes locked and I already know I can't do this.

I look down at my lap while shaking my head.

"Gwen, hey", his hand falls upon my knee, trying to gain my attention. "Look at me"

I shake my head once more, before I give in knowing I can't hide forever. And when my eyes found his again, I'm sure mine had started to fill with tears. Immediately he shifts even closer and reaches a hand out to cup my cheek.

And man the way his touch feels good on my skin, I feel like I can't even breathe. His thumb moves gently over my cheek with his concerned blue eyes.

"Talk to me", he whispers sweetly. "Please"

"I'm fine", I say back with a silent voice, yet being able to make it snap.

"You're not fine", he says with such a tender tone that I can't do anything but lean into his touch, while at the same time moving my eyes down once more.

I quietly moved my hand up, to let my fingers trace softly over the back of his hand.

"I'm sorry, I can't", I jump up from the chair and without hesitating, I race out of my trailer.  
  
  


And that's the start of the worst and most fake blind auditions taping in history. I'm sure they'll edit it amazingly so it won't be noticeable, but I can barely even make eye contact with the cowboy two chairs away from me.

Alll I think about is how in hell this could possibly affect me so much? Why do I care so much? I just somehow feel as if this whole relationship, this whole friendship, that we built isn't real and just temporary, based on loneliness. And that wasn't it for me. I don't know what it was, but Blake was not just a lonely call. But the more I think about it the more sense it makes that I'm exactly that for him.

I have never been as relieved as I am today when I hear Carson's voice announcing the last contestant for the day. And as soon as the contestant chooses team Pharrell, I'm out of my chair and back on my way to the trailer.

But then I feel Blake's hand grasp for my arm.

"Gwen -",

Before he can say anything more, I turn around to face him: "I just need to be alone",

He carefully lets go of my arm and he nods. I could perfectly walk away by now. But I don't. Not when I see the hurt in his eyes because of my words. My words. God dammit, I should be the last person to be the reason for that sparkle of sadness.

"I'm sorry", I say then awkwardly not knowing what to do.

"Can we just talk, please?", he says vulnerably, as if at any moment his voice could break. So I nod. When I look away to follow him to his trailer, I notice some worried eyes on the two of us. It's hard to miss the tention.

As soon as we are in his trailer, he walks around a little bit nervously. In the meantime I sit down on his couch, watching him pace. When over a minute of silence has passed, I swallowed.

"What did you wanna talk ab-"

"What did I do wrong? Why can't you look at me?"

My mouth drops by his sudden directness, making me swallow right after. He's hurt, I can tell because of the way he sucks on his bottom lip while throwing his eyes down.

"What do you mean? You didn't do anything wrong", I answer softly, wanting to take all the hurt away. What I really want is to push myself up, walk over to him while throwing my arms around his neck. But I don't. 

"Don't lie to me", he says suddenly really serious, to which I start to feel nervous.

"I'm not lying", I reassure him, because I know how much honesty means to him, to both of us quite frankly.

"Then how come you can have fun and act normal around Adam and Pharrell but you can't even look at me?", he swallows while staring at his shoes, to which I shake my head.

"You regret it don't you?",   
A frown takes over my face. "the kiss", he explains short after.

For just a second I'm confused and keep silent, to which Blake burries his face behind his hand.

"I should have known right? How could I be so dumb? And now you're probably trying to avoid me because you don't want me near you like that and you don't know how to tell me and I keep on pushing and pushing myself on you. Like I've basically been a stalker today, right? I'm - - "

"Can you stop that monologue please and let me talk instead?", he shuts up and nods his head behind his hand.

"I don't regret it", I slowly tilt myself up from his couch and take the few steps that sepperated us. "but I'm scared, Blake"

The sparkle of hurt in his eyes change to worry. "of what?", his voice is almost a whisper. So soft, so uncertain of what my answer will be.

"I'm afraid that in not so long from now, you'd be the one regretting this", I can still see a hint of hurt in them, but mostly there's confusion. 

I stand right in front of him, with our eyes locked for over 10 seconds. The first 3 seconds I was hopeful, the 3 after that I got insecure, then another 3 seconds after that I got discouraged, and the very last second I felt hurt. By the 11th second, I nod softly while forcing myself to put a tiny smile on my lips. I realise that by now my eyes must have started to fill slightly, considering his confusion has started to change into hurt and guilt as well.

I let out a short, uncomfortable huf, while I move my hand up, landing on top of his shirt. My hand slightly caresses over his collar, as I travel my eyes along with it.

I take a deep breath in and lock my eyes with his again. I force that smile on my lips, while softly moving my hand up to softly trace my fingers over his scruf. Somehow deep inside I'm hoping he'd tell me otherwise. But at the same time when I see him open his mouth to say something, I shake my head. The pause had already said enough.

So instead I quickly lean in and place my lips on his stubbly cheek. 

"see you in a month", and my fingertips left his skin, as I rushed out of his trailer, as a single tear ran down my cheek, with nothing... Not even a word. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! xxx

I open the door with Apollo attached at my hip. But the second I glanced away from Apollo’s brown curl I didn’t find what I expected.

Instead of similar brown curly hair and brown bright eyes just like Apollo’s, I meet a pair of blue ones. Those take me by complete surprise.

Somehow I must’ve let go of Apollo’s backpack, as I suddenly register his hand reaching out to mine, holding it.

“Blake”, I say confused, while meeting his hand halfway. As I take the backpack from him, our hands breeze softly over each other, which is enough already to make me even more speechless.

“Hi”,

“Hello”, Apollo suddenly stumbles out enthusiastically. My head snaps his way and I form a smile on my lips when I notice Apollo tilting his head by seeing my startled face. So the next thing I do is bow down to place Apollo back on his own feet and hand him his own backpack.

“How about a couple more minutes TV hah?”,

“Sweet!”, he shouts with the brightest smile. He turns his head to Blake for just one more second with a little smile, before running of towards the living room. I keep on watching him wobble on his feet until he’s down on the couch. Only then I realise there’s nothing else that can possibly give me an excuse not to look into those heartbreaking eyes again.

So that’s what I do, while taking a step back and opening the door even further.

“Um”, I clear my throat, still completely confounded. “Come in”,

“Look, I’m sorry, I thought you didn’t have the boys”, he starts in a low voice, which makes me shake my head.

“You don’t have to apologize –“, I pause for a second, until I see a frown on his forehead. “Not for that, I mean, you don’t have to apologize for that.—“, I ramble. “Gavin’s nanny got sick today and well, I didn’t have much to do anyway so”, I tilt my head Apollo’s way while raising a brow.

“Oh”,

“Yeah”, a couple seconds pass in silence. “So you gonna stay there all evening?”,

Somehow that gains me a smile, showing his dimples for a short second. He takes a couple of steps into my house as I close the door behind him. When I turn back his way, I see how he’s looking all around him.

I slightly lean my but against my door as I observe him for a while. He looks nervous. And cute. But then again, he always looks cute. But somehow he seems really interested in the interior of my house. It’s either that, or he doesn’t really know how to start this conversation either. Especially not with a two year old pretty near us.

He walks passed the photos on my wall that goes up against our stairs. I can tell there’s a small smile plastered on his lips  By now I push myself away from the door and follow him into my home. One photo got his special attention, as he stops and stares at it for a couple seconds. It’s a black and white picture that has been taken over a year ago on the voice set. It’s from behind the scenes and all four of us coaches are laughing with who knows what. But I liked the picture a lot.

“I’ve never seen this one before”, he breaks the silence, which gives me the opportunity to walk closer and stay put right beside him. My arm almost touching his covered in a orange-ish flannel shirt.

“You haven’t?”, he shakes his head, while carefully moving his head down. I can feel his eyes on me for quite some seconds and out of the corner of my eyes, I see his dimples softly appearing, before tracing his eyes back to the picture.

“You’re smiling”, I state as soon as our eyes meet through the reflection of the framework. He hums while he keeps his eyes on mine for one more second, until he shifts over to the real version.

I meet his eyes now as well and his grin somehow works contagious, as I roll my eyes and look away with a smile. “It’s because I’m happy to see you”,

So my eyes go back up to find nothing but sincerity.

“I wasn’t sure If I’d actually rang your doorbell”, he chuckles then, to which I frown with a slightly amused look.

“What do you mean?”

“Well I bet I was in front of your door for over ten minutes already”, that made me chuckle while shaking my head.

“Why’s that?”

He shrugs nonchalantly before turning his whole body my way. He slightly tilts his head to the right. “I already told you. You make me nervous sometime”,

I turn my body his way now as well, causing our bodies to be pretty close to each other. I feel my cheeks heat up. “Well and I already told you that you shouldn’t have to be”, I say in almost a whisper, as I swallow when my eyes lock with his blue ones. His smile breaks through again, and I couldn’t help but feel like throwing my arms around his neck and hug him like I longed for for an entire month already.

But before my mind could go any further and actually go through with that plan, the doorbell rang. Saved by the bell I guess. I see Blake’s brows fly up while I quickly turn towards my frontdoor.

Shit. Gavin. He's picking up Apollo.

“Apollo”, I cry out, while walking away from Blake to poke my head into the living room. “Turn down the TV and put your backpack on, daddy’s here”,

As I had spoken the words, I turn my head to watch Blake, who suddenly got very uncomfortable. So to try to ease him, I shoot him a sweet smile, before heading towards the door and opening it.

“Hey”, I say as Gavin smiles while nodding.

“Thanks again for taking him for the day”, I nod now.

“Sure, we had fun. How’s the nanny?”, I go on with small talk while glancing into the driveway. No car from Blake. He must’ve gotten himself an uber as he hates driving in LA.

“She’s better. So everything is fine for tomorrow”, he answers, but when I notice his sentence speed down in the middle, I look back into his eyes, who were looking over my shoulder.

“Oh that’s great. By the way um, so this is Blake”, I say out of obligation while glancing over my shoulder. Blake didn’t seem really pleased when his eyes fell onto Gavin’s, but yet he takes the last steps closer towards the door. I watch him walk up to the door, not getting his glance away from Gavin’s for a second. He ends up standing right behind me while meeting Gavin’s reached out hand halfway.

I know he actually didn’t want to, but he’s just a polite guy.

“I’m Gavin”, he says then, to which Blake nods.

“Blake”, he says only the necessary, which makes me glance backwards at him. I keep on staring at him until he finally unlocks his eyes with his. When he meets mine, I immediately see a change of emotion. The somewhat anger or whatever that was disappears into a soft glance and a really tiny smile, which I return.

“You’re from the show right?”, Gavin says trying to fill up the silence, but yet all Blake does in the first seconds is nod.

“The Voice, yeah”,

Luckily after that Apollo comes running on, right into Gavin’s arms.

“Hey there sweetie”, Gavin kisses his son on the head while taking him in his arms. “You had fun with mommy?”

He nods happily while throwing a blowing kiss my way.

“Ok well be good at your dad ok? Say hi to your brothers from me, would you?”,

He nods once more while I lean in to press a kiss against his cheek.

Both Gavin and Apollo wave a few more times before disappearing into his car.

So I close the door behind me and take a few seconds to let everything sink in.  
“You ok?”

I nod while slowly meeting his eyes. And yet again, I still get the urge to throw myself into his arms, but the bell didn’t have to ring this time to stop me. Because being a few steps away from him, reminded me of where we left things. How we left things and how angry and sad that had made me feel over the last weeks. Plus giving Apollo away with Gavin again just now wasn’t doing any good to my mood either.

“So what are you doing here, Blake?”,

“I wanted to see you”, he says, while bringing up his eyes and brows at the same time. “Actually I needed to see you”,

“Why?”, I bring out sarcastically while moving my hand over my forehead.

‘Because of how we left things”,

I nod while I walk into my living room, with Blake right behind me. I lean down at the back of my couch while looking at him expectantly. And when it stays quiet for over ten seconds, I sigh.

“A month. You don’t write emails, you don’t text, you don’t call. And now you’re here”,

He bobs his head a bit insecure.

“Not saying a word”, I finish to which he huffs nervously. “Stop being nervous and say what you wanted to say when you planned coming here”, I say directly, because I’m done with his nerves and his silence. But nothing

“Why would you say you needed to see me if you still have nothing to say?”, My voice sounded angrier than before, which wasn’t my intention, but I couldn’t help it.

 “Because I thought you were right”, he says suddenly. And when his eyes land on mine, I finally realise that some tears had filled in them. I got a lump in my throat just from seeing him like this. He looks lost, like this tiny, sweet puppy not knowing what the right thing to do is.

“When you told me that maybe I was gonna be the one regretting this someday, I got scared you were right”, he says while trying to keep his voice steady. He looks at me, as if he expected me to say something, but I didn’t know what I could possibly say right now to make this better.

“Ok”, I whisper soothingly.

“It’s not ok”, he corrects me, taking a few steps closer as he sounds angry, not with me, maybe with himself.  “You laid your heart out there and told me one of your fears. And instead that I console you, I ignore you, I don’t say a single word and just disappear for a month to Oklahoma”,

He swallows while shaking his head. “I thought that would fix everything”,

I nod, trying to follow. “Oklahoma?”,

He shrugs while nodding a ‘maybe’. “I thought I needed some time for myself, to think clearly, you know? But all I could do was—“,

He sighs while bringing a hand through his hair. “All I could do—was think of you”, my mouth slightly drops. “I tried everything, but you always kept on popping up in my head and the way you had looked at me with so much hurt ached my heart and I got scared because I—realised you weren’t right and whoa I can’t breathe”, he closes his eyes while rubbing a hand over his head

Quickly I close the distance between us and place my hand in his.

His eyes shoot open and I let my other hand take his away from his face and bring them linked down beside our bodies. “Hey hey”, I whisper while moving my thumbs over his hands. A single tear rolls down his cheek, to which one of my hands let go of his to wipe it away. My hand stays put upon his cheek as I slowly move my fingers over his scruff.

“Breath in and out”, I say softly, and he does as I say so. In the meantime I move the both of us towards my couch and we sit down. 

“Good”, I say after a while as he looks at me with so much regret. “For what it’s worth, I couldn’t get you out of my mind as well”,

“That’s lucky”, he says partly smiling, partly still upset by all this. I smile softly while nodding. I know he's scared of this, because I feel the exact same way.

"You feeling better?",

He nods with a shy smile. I gaze into his eyes and somehow it just felt so damn good. It's almost too good 

"Maybe I should get you some water", I say while getting up to head to the kitchen. But I can't, considering he jumps up as well and pulls me by the hand back to his. 

"You don't want water?" 

"No", he says while letting out a deep breathe.

"do you want something? Anything?"

"Just your hand in mine really", he says softly, causing me to move in closer, resting my head against his. We stand like that in silence for a few seconds. "Now what’s next?”, he whispers.

“What’s next is that I do what I wanted to do since the first second you walked in here”,

I throw my arms around his neck so tightly while nuzzling my nose into his neck. My entire body feels electric when his hand travel over my back, keeping my body close with one arm. "And I whisper, 'man am I happy to see you", One of his hands rested against the back of my head as he gently places a kiss on my shoulder.

Calmly I move my head away from his neck. His hand travels along from the back of my head onto my cheek. His thumb carefully caresses over my skin as he has one of the sweetest smiles on his lips ever again.

“What kind of smile is that?”, I ask him quietly with a blush on my cheeks.

“You’re just so beautiful”,

I grin at him, which makes him chuckle softly. He softly strokes circles with his thumb over my cheek before softly caressing his thumb over the corner of my lips.

"So you know, normally I would lean in and you know", I raise my eyebrows at him amused. "Maybe give you a kiss",

"Then why don't you?", I challenge him with a shy smile.

"it's against the rules because some woman once told me to pick better moments, not moments of weakness",

"Oh, really? Probably a smart lady then",

He nods adorably. "Very smart"

"And what if I'd be the one to lean in and kiss you?", I say with a playful smile on my lips, yet feeling the blush upon my cheeks. "That wouldn't be against the rules right? That would just make us even",

His dimples pop up to which he tilts his head. "Oh yeah?",

"Yeah", I say as confident as possible. "You kissed me at one weak moment, now I can kiss you at another. Even",

 

I lean in a little bit closer, tilting my arm up to softly place over his shoulder.

"Well if you put it that way",

I chuckle at that, which makes him let out a short laugh. When our heads are only a couple inches away from one another, I stop to stare into his eyes for a few seconds.

One of his fingers softly brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. He smiles adorably then while leaning a bit closer and rub his nose softly against mine.

"You should make it even now", he whispers against my skin, causing goose bumps to come all over my body.

My arm hooks closer around his neck, before I brush my lips tightly on his. It was a long sweet kiss until his hands lower to my hips. I could feel his hands on the small of my back. And they stayed there, not moving a single inch further. I can't believe what a gentleman he is. It makes me smile into our kiss, and I can feel how he follows right after.

Yet it's his initiative to slowly push his tongue against my lips, asking for entrance. I gladly accept while parting my lips, and the second his tongue touched mine, I could not hold back. It as if suddenly my entire body is on fire and I just need more him, being closer to him. My heart is  pounding and there's nothing that can stop it.

So I pull my body up until we're chest to chest as I stroke my fingers through those soft hairs of his... Pulling him deeper into our kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna know your thoughts!

**Author's Note:**

> So it's been a long time since I wrote anything, but maybe if you liked this chapter, I might write a few more on this. Idk why but this story might make me want to write again. Only if you want more though haha, so let me know xoxo Noor


End file.
